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Life Balance

Tina Hou Marer - Terapi og rådgivning

Når værdifulde relationer skal styrkes

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Når et liv alt for tidligt tages fra os...........

Opslået d. 9. januar 2017 kl. 2.25

Hvad er det, der rammer os, når et liv alt for tidligt tages fra os?

Det er jeg optaget af i disse dage, da jeg nyligt erfarede at en person, som jeg kendte for nogle år tilbage, er gået bort.


En ung kvinde, som alt for tidligt måtte herfra, og hvor sygdom til sidst vandt kampen over hende og hendes vilje for overlevelse. Vores veje krydsede, og i en periode var vores kontakt daglig, en person, som jeg havde en professionel relation til, men som gjorde indtryk, og hvis ve og vel optog mig. At denne unge kvinde allerede stod for tur, og nu efterlader mand og barn, et barn, som i høj grad fortsat har brug for sin mor i sin opvækst til at blive et selvstændigt voksent individ, det gør mig inderligt ondt.

 

Jeg fyldes af vemod og tristhed, ja endda tomhed, for hvor er det mærkeligt at tænke på, at vores veje aldrig mere skal krydse hinanden og at der ikke længere vil komme et opslag fra hende på Facebook. Tanker går til hendes familie, som må leve med savnet efter hende.

 

Da jeg for nogle år siden mistede min mor, var det min oplevelse, at hun i sit sygdomsforløb var langt mere afklaret med at skulle herfra, end vi der stod hende nær og som blot kunne se til. Det er de efterladte, som har det svært, og som må kæmpe sig tilbage til livet og på ny finde mening med og i livet, når vi mister. Det kan være svært, særligt når man som barn mister en mor eller en far, og netop derfor gør tabet af denne unge kvinde særligt indtryk på mig.

 

Hvordan hjælper vi bedst, når nogen mister, for ord kan virke så utrolig fattige, og hvad kan vi egentlig sige? Faktisk vil vi jo gerne sige noget, som kan lette smerten, gøre det nemmere at bære, gøre det godt, men der findes ikke ord og handlinger, som kan fjerne smerten eller gøre det godt igen, for intet af det vi gør eller siger vil bringe deres kære tilbage, men vi kan hjælpe den som har mistet. Det kan vi gøre ved at stille os til rådighed, så den der har mistet ikke skal stå det igennem alene. Ofte er der blot brug for nogle ører, en arm og en skulder at græde ud ved, et kram, et kærligt klem, en aen på kinden. Vi behøver ikke at være så bange for at gøre den som har mistet ked af det, for personen ER ked af det, og der er intet af det, vi siger og gør, som bevirker at personen bliver mere ked af det, men ikke at gøre noget, det kan såre og gøre utrolig ondt. Det kan efterlade den, som har mistet, i ensomhed, forladthed, isolation. Vær derfor ikke så bange for at spørge ind til den som har mistet. Vov at stille dig til rådighed, tilbyd dine ører og dine arme, at læne sig op af. Husk at det at sørge er en naturlig proces af livet, for efter liv kommer død.

Kategorier: Sorg og tab, Familie, Børn og unge

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