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Børn i sorg og om "Bare at være der"

Opslået d. 1. februar 2015 kl. 13.25

Møder du et barn eller en ung som har mistet, med tavshed?

Når et barn eller ung mister, så har vi en tendens til at møde dem med tavshed.

Vi ved ikke rigtig, hvordan vi skal tale med dem, om det at miste en mor, far eller en søskende. Ofte handler det om begrænsninger hos os selv. Vi tænker måske "at det vi ikke taler om/fortier, det forsvinder.". At vi gør ondt værre, ved at tale om det som er smertefuldt, at når barnet græder, så har vi gjort dem kede af det, fordi vi minder dem om det, som gør så ondt, tabet af en mor eller far eller søskende. Men sådan forholder det sig ikke.

Smerten, sorgen og tabet er der, uanset om vi italesætter det eller ej. Når vi vælger at møde barnet eller den unge med tavshed, så lader vi dem alene, de bliver ensomme i deres sorg, og får ikke afløb for deres følelser. Det er først når vi taler med andre om os selv, at vi udvikler forståelsen af os selv. Det er i relationen at vi får defineret, hvem vi er. 

Når jeg taler om sorg, så er det ikke kun sorg i forbindelse med døden, men sorg er også i forbindelse med skilsmisse, sygdom, flytninger, alkoholmisbrug/andet misbrug eller psykisk sygdom. Det er her utrolig vigtigt, at vi møder barnet/den unge, der hvor han/hun er. At vi anerkender barnet/den unge, for det han/hun har gjort eller gør, og at vi tør spørge ind til alt det, som er så svært og gør så ondt, og at vi gennem vores spørgen ind hjælper barnet/den unge til at få skabt orden i det kaos som kan herske indeni, hjælper til med at få styr på hændelsesforløb, tanker og følelser, for derigennem at skabe rum og plads til en ny historie - vejen frem i det videre liv.

Det er så utrolig vigtigt, at vi som voksne står ved vores ansvar, at vi tør hjælpe og tør stille os til rådighed, at vi bringer barnet/den unge ud af ensomheden og tavsheden, og vi stiller os til rådighed som lyttere. Helt enkelt - Bare at være der........

Kategorier: Børn og unge, Sorg og tab, Ensomhed

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